Someone has complained that all I “post about these days is the baby.” This post is for you.

I know you’ve been worried about this so let me share the good news:

I have gotten the flare of the ass disease under control.

Let me also share how I accomplished this as it was a monumental task and could provide important information for my fellow diseased friends.

I will start at the beginning.

1.  I wait three days to verify that I am, indeed, violently ill.  I break into my emergency store of Prednisone.

2.  I schedule the soonest available appointment with my GI doctor.

The soonest available appointment is two weeks later.  (Note:  Socialized healthcare has a couple drawbacks.)

So…

3.  I go to the GP and am given additional steroids to hold me over until my GI appointment.   However, my GP assures me that the Prednisone will pull me out of the flare and all will be well.

In the meantime, I eat like I’m on steroids.

Because I am.

(Note: I would definitely be a steroid addict if not for the unfortunate side effects.)

4.  At my GI appointment, the doctor tells me to taper off the Prednisone, performs an uncomfortable physical exam and assures me all will be well.

5.  I taper off the Prednisone and become progressively more and more sick.  I make another GI appointment.  In the intervening two weeks, I frantically search the internet for miracle cures, the symptoms of colon cancer, and the success rates for colectomies, while phoning the GI doctor’s office every few days for permission to resume the Prednisone.

My phone calls are ignored.

I find a purported miracle diet and begin carefully avoiding all dairy, caffeine, sugar and anything else that tastes good.

6.  At my second GI visit, I exchange hundreds of dollars for a couple of tests which verify that GUESS WHAT?  I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ULCERATIVE COLITIS FLARE.

I also receive an apology for the ignored phone calls, four boxes of medicated enemas

and the advice to come back in a few weeks if things are not better.

7.  I use the enemas for 11 days merely to prove their futility.  I place the remaining three boxes in an abandoned room behind a set of drawers.

8.  I call my GI doctor and leave a message informing him that I am still sick.

My phone call is not returned.

9.  I despair and began eating every edible object that I am confronted with, including black coffee, chocolate bars, and a tub of ice cream.

I do not get better.

10.  I perform further internet research, discover that an increased dosage of my current medication (Lialda) should stop the flare.  I increase the dosage.

I am cured.

For now.

Lesson:  NEVER get one of those weird diseases that no one knows anything about.

And never complain about the subject matter of my posts, jerk.

You know who you are.

I could write a novel about my colon.  Try me.

——-

Week 25

We had our usual tea times…

and classes…

Hit three farmers’ markets..

Hung out at the Botanic Gardens…

Started looking for a new (to us) car…

Brunched at one of our favorite places…

and found a delicious Chinese restaurant.

Also this week Sebastian was officially introduced to solids.

We were all very excited.

Especially Sebastian.

Then the rash appeared.

Doctor appointment to be made tomorrow.

Sebastian has started some tumbling but still refuses to actually flip over.

He has made some efforts towards crawling… sort of..

And about five days ago, Sebastian began sitting up all on his own.

It is now his favorite position.

But he lacks complete stability.

Sebastian has also started to notice and interact with the dogs.

Daphne may be his current favorite to watch.

In addition, Sebastian is now willing to hold his pacifier without assistance.

But only while attempting to eat it.

And he learned a new yoga pose.

——

G.P.S.

—–

This is a song that appears on commercials for one of the popular grocery stores (New World) in New Zealand.  It is pretty good.

This is a story about getting your kids to go to sleep, read by Samuel L. Jackson.  If you are easily offended or, perhaps, at work, please do not push play.  Also, don’t judge me for thinking it is hilarious.

God would be unhappy with you.

So, Sebastian has reverted to waking up 5 to 6 times a night to eat.

And that is why this post is late.

And may make no sense.

——–

This week, we took a trip up north.

Far North.

All the way to the top of the country to a little place called Cape Reinga.

Cape Reinga is the northwesternmost tip of the North Island and over 100 km from the nearest town.

The name of the cape comes from the Māori word ‘Reinga’, meaning the ‘Underworld’.   Another Māori name is ‘Te Rerenga Wairua’, meaning the leaping-off place of spirits.

Both refer to the Māori belief that the cape is the point where the spirits of the dead enter the underworld.

Cape Reinga is generally considered the separation marker between the Tasman Sea to the west and the Pacific Ocean to the east.

From the lighthouse it is possible to watch the two seas clash.

——

We started the trip on a Wednesday afternoon.

Sebastian helped pack.

Then we walked into town to catch the bus.

As the bus pulled up at the stop, we realized we forgot one of our cameras.

Lawrence was distraught.

So was Sebastian

but for other reasons.  Like having to ride the bus.

At the airport, we entertained ourselves until it was time to board…

and then spent nearly the entire flight trying to stop Sebastian’s screaming.

Though, to be fair, he did sleep for a few minutes at one point.

We arrived in Auckland safely,

grabbed some Korean pancakes,

checked into our very cute and very cheap hotel,

and then explored the city a bit.

The next day, we spent hours searching for somewhere decent to eat

before taking Sebastian to the American embassy to apply for his American citizenship.

It took many hours and lots of seemingly pointless paperwork… and I suddenly remembered why I kind of hate government work.

Then we were on our way north.

After grabbing some boba.

First stop, Whangarei – the northernmost city in New Zealand and the regional capital of the Northland Region.

Questionable hotel,

excellent food,

and drinks,

a nice playground,

and a clock museum.

And it was here that I was reminded by Lawrence that it was Lawrence’s birthday.

Whoops.

But I attempted to make it up to him during the rest of the trip.

Second stop, Paihia.

It is the main tourist town in the Bay of Islands, one the most popular fishing, sailing and tourist destinations in the country.

We stayed at a really nice hotel.

And it was here that we bought Lawrence birthday ice cream…

and took a ferry ride

to Russell -the first permanent European settlement and sea port in New Zealand.

It soon earned a very bad reputation – without laws and full of prostitution –  and became known as the “Hell Hole of the Pacific”, despite the translation of its name being “How sweet is the penguin.”

Today, it is a bastion of gift shops, cafes, and hotels.  And holds the country’s oldest surviving church.

And some cool bars.

The next day, we had breakfast in a town called Kerikeri

did a little sightseeing,

grabbed some famous fish and chips,

saw some Dr. Seuss trees,

had one total breakdown in the car,

and then visited GIANT SAND DUNES.

But, alas, no spice.  Or Atreides.  Or giant sandworms.

However, you did have to cross the Swamp of Sorrows to get there.

Sort of.

(Lawrence sinking in Swamp of Sorrows.  Sort of.)

And, of course, we visited the cape.

That night, we relaxed in the hotel room.  I finished this really sad book…

that my dear sister tricked me into reading.

Lawrence checked email. (I refused as I was on a four day internet fast).

And Sebastian hung out in one of my t-shirts as he had destroyed all of the pajamas I packed for him by this point in the trip (as well as all of his daytime outfits save one).

The next morning, we grabbed breakfast and then snuck onto the grounds surrounding the Waitangi Treaty House.

The Treaty of Waitangi was signed here on February 6, 1840 and established the British Colony of New Zealand.

We didn’t think viewing relics of British imperialism was worth the steep  admission fee but agreed it may be worth viewing from a distance.

And we got away with it, accosted only by a few birds.

I was disappointed to realize that my childhood memories of the Snow White story

had been destroyed by later stories… like Hitchcock’s Birds.

So, instead of being delighted that several birds wanted to fly around me, I was terrified and had to fight the urge not to swat at them in an effort to save my life.

Anyway, the lunch at the cafe there was excellent.

Then we drove to the airport – stopping at one famous toilet –

and flew home.

Week 24

As I mentioned previously, Sebastian is not sleeping as much these days.

And yet, somehow, his energy has increased.

Especially when his parents are attempting to eat.

G.P.S.

(Falkor)

——-

I watched a documentary the other night about the Bee Gees…

…and discovered that one of them sort of looked like Mr. Burns.

You know which one.

I spent the rest of the documentary wondering why Mr. Burns was wearing turtlenecks

and jumpsuits

and this?

And now, so will you.

You are welcome.